What do you get when you cross a whale with an illness?
Moby Sick!
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets in a fight with his cat?
Claude!
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
Have you heard about the guy who wad his left side cut off?
He's all right now.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She always ran away from the ball
Why doesn't the sun go to college?
It already has a zillion degrees.
i tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage,
but i lost my case.
Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?
It's just a little meteor.
What do nuclear physicists eat for lunch?
Fission chips!
The sporting goods store just had a big sale on canoes.
It was quite the oar deal!
Why wouldn't the oyster give up her pearl?
She was shellfish.
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil...
Never mind, it's pointless.
I'd tell you a joke about tornadoes...
But i don't think you'll like the twist at the end.
Mountains aren't just funny...
They're hill areas.
A storm blew away 1/4 of my roof last night.
Oof.
My kids have been throwing scrabble tiles at each other.
it's all fun and games until someone loses an i.
I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.
Fefiphobia.
A chemist froze himself at -273.15 degrees C.
Everyone says he was crazy but he was 0k.
Did you hear about the drummer who decided to name all his daughters the same name?
Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3, Anna 4.
What stands in a field going "Oooooh"?
A cow with no lips